In the last issue, which included Part 1 of this article, I told you about two bosses I had earlier in my life. One was Geoff Massimini, who I consider to be the best boss I ever had, and the other was Kristine Banks (shudder), who was the absolute worst boss I had, as well as anyone else who ever worked for her; I would bet. In this continuation of the topic of leadership here in Part 2, I will share more about who I am as a manager and how I have evolved.
I don’t believe that I was ever a truly “bad boss,” but I will admit that many times over the years, I would exhibit some of the qualities of a bad boss. (If you haven’t read part 1, I do suggest you look there for these qualities and other great info) In my early years as a manager, I know some of the qualities I regularly exhibited from the lousy list were: micromanaging, always focusing on what was wrong, and not being transparent with expectations to my team. Over the years, through practice and experience, I have grown into what I humbly consider to be a great boss and good leader. It is a rather lengthy journey, with many twists and turns, but it is something I have given much thought and effort to. As I continue to learn and transform, and with many more years of experience, someday, I will become a GREAT leader.
I first became a manager in November 1998 when I was just 19 years old. I was working for Geoff still at the time, and he promoted me to Assistant Manager in his office. It was exciting and scary! I felt I could handle the tasks associated with being an Assistant Manager, but I was not entirely sold on my ability to lead, and that was a BIG part of what this new role would entail for me. I had always been very shy, timid, and introverted. Thankfully, I trusted Geoff entirely and knew that if HE believed I could do it, I probably could. He was right. Decades later, I fully understand and can see that Geoff was a developer of people. He knew how to encourage and recognize people in a way that allowed his team to find their strengths, believe in themselves, and rise to the occasion. I am a developer as well.
Before selling Cutco and meeting Geoff, I had a few jobs while in school and thankfully had pretty decent bosses. I modeled behaviors I remember liking as an employee and tried to avoid doing the things that had made me feel inadequate or uncomfortable. This is the most straightforward concept, but so many people neglect to do it or stick to it over time.
Think about your worst boss(es) and how they made you feel as an employee. Based on my experience with Kristine, I often felt confused about my role and expectations, under pressure as if my job was always at risk, undervalued and unappreciated, and very often, I felt bullied and even scared of her. I knew then and now that I NEVER want people on my team to feel those things at work. Now think of your past’s best boss(es) and how they made you feel. What made them so great?
To this day, I continue to actively work to improve how I interact with my team based on putting myself in their shoes. It’s like a football team that watches a game’s recording repeatedly to analyze and recognize all the things they did right and wrong, working to help them learn and improve. There was a scene just a few months ago in our office where I had left all my things (water bottle, phone, notebook) in the conference room because I knew we were having a meeting in about 20 minutes, and I was getting prepared. One of my staff saw my things there and brought them to me in my office, which was a lovely and helpful gesture. Instead of simply thanking her, as I knew I should have, I told her, “Thank you, but I left everything in there for a reason, and now I just need to bring it all back.” UGHHHHH!!!! My stupid mouth! There was no intent to be mean or rude, and what I said was the truth, but did I need to put that on her when she was trying to be helpful and do a nice thing? Nope. I regretted it instantly but didn’t have a chance to speak with her again until the next day, when the first thing I did was apologize and own that I was rude, and tell her she didn’t deserve to be spoken to that way. Good leaders are constantly learning from their own mistakes and working to improve. If you want and expect your team to grow…you also need to grow!
For days after this incident, I reflected on what caused me to react that way in the first place. When I “went back to watch the tape,” I thought about all the other things going on in that moment to learn how to be better prepared in the future, to know what triggered me at that moment, so I can either avoid it entirely or react differently next time it happens. I often do this process for many situations in my life, and it’s one of the best practices I can suggest for leaders who want to improve. Remember, hindsight is 20/20, and we can always learn from our past. In this specific instance, I was in the middle of a conversation with MY boss, I had to prepare for a meeting with outside people coming to the office shortly, I had several other tasks on my plate for the day, and at least 50 different things running through my brain, including a complaint from a client and an injured member of my team. In my head, at that very moment, there was chaos. Had this exact thing happened just 15 minutes earlier or later, I may not have reacted the same. It’s important to understand these things and truly dig deep to discover the root cause(s). This is how I am always working to become a better leader.
Are you a great leader?
In Part 1, I listed some qualities of good bosses. A great leader is almost always a good boss, but some additional skills and qualities set them apart from other good managers. Managing and leading are two different things, and quite often, great leaders may need or want someone else on the team to handle the day-to-day management of activities and people. One indicator of outstanding leadership is recognizing your weaknesses and taking action to improve.
Great leaders:
- Are authentic and self-aware
- Put effort into their personal development
- Have a vision and inspire others
- Embrace change and are adaptable
- Exhibit patience and empathy
- Are ethical with high integrity
- Develop and empower others
- Encourage strategic and creative thinking
- Like experimentation and taking calculated risks
- Are critical thinkers and decision-makers
As a young manager, I was told and heard from many sources some questionable advice on leadership. Often this came from books or articles on the subject. Still, I also listened to this from presenters at management training meetings and conferences with the various companies I worked for over the years. It was repeated frequently, so I believed it to be the right way to lead, but it always felt wrong. Much of this advice followed a basic theme that leaders should be untouchable. Getting too “friendly or familiar” with staff was terrible, and people only want to follow leaders they want to emulate, so you should appear to be amazing in every way and hide the rest. To some extent, I do understand why these are commonly held beliefs with management and leadership training, and there are pieces of these and specific scenarios where they work. Still, in general, I tend to do the opposite.
I’m not trying to sway a nation of people to be on my side. I simply need a small team of people to get on board with the goals we are working to accomplish, be respectful and helpful to each other and the clients, and be effective at getting the job done. I get in there with the team and do the work. No task is below me, and all tasks are essential to the healthy functioning of the business. I am direct and honest, even with bad news. I don’t sugarcoat things, but I usually try to soften the blow a bit when needed. My team knows who I am because I always show them who I am. They know what I care about, what sets me off, and how I feel about nearly everything. They know they can count on me because they have repeatedly seen me show up for them.
As a more established manager, I now recognize that managing a team is VERY similar to parenting children. I encourage, guide, care, discipline, and teach with goals in my head and love in my heart. I am honest, empathetic, and transparent. Doing the RIGHT thing and the fair thing in every situation is most important to me. I feel I have a good relationship with everyone on our team, and for those who are comfortable with opening up to me, I am equally as open to them. I look out for and protect the team, but I also push them to do better, learn new things, expand their limits, and reach for the stars. I’m the biggest cheerleader on the team, but we all know when it’s time to put our noses down and get the work done. I look forward to seeing my team every day, and I’m so proud of all they have accomplished. Whether they have worked with us for a short time or many years, their contribution is appreciated, and they have a safe and stable home with us where they are empowered, encouraged, and respected. This is the environment I have created as a leader, and I see the return on that work ALL THE TIME. Remember, like parenting, many different methods and styles are effective, so find what works for you, your business, and your goals.
Becoming a great leader is a fantastic goal, and no matter where you fall on the scale now and where you hope to be someday, embrace the journey. Take pleasure in the bad days as they are all learning opportunities. Try to see the good in all your people, even if it’s just one thing. Look back on your experiences and work to improve a little at a time. This is a transformation process…like a caterpillar to a butterfly, you can begin as a boss with bad qualities and emerge as a great leader. All it takes is self-awareness, reflection, practice, and time. It won’t be overnight, but with focused effort, you can grow into the great leader you envision.
Nicole Peretti
Nicole Peretti is the Executive Director at Hurricane Marketing Enterprises and co-founder of the nonprofit The Institute for Dignity and Grace. She graduated from Rowan University with a degree in Business Administration, with a specialization in Marketing. She oversees all day-to-day operations of both businesses, ensuring they are run properly. Nicole is also a business coach, and has worked one-on-one with many clients, who are typically home care business owners, all over the country. She works closely with them to ensure they are using best practices and operating their companies with integrity and a focus on proper patient care.
Nicole lives in New Jersey with her two cats and enjoys drinking her morning coffee outside in her beautiful backyard. She loves reading, watching crime dramas on TV, spending time with family, and taking naps on weekends. While still in college, she started her sales career with Cutco Cutlery. Nicole has since managed sales teams for companies in several industries, but her favorite job is what she is doing now. Her passion and talent is in managing people, and that transfers into the work she does with her clients, teaching them how they can best interact with the people they meet and work with daily. She has personal experience with home care for her own family, as well as years of shared knowledge through her clients. She truly cares about helping others, and that shows in all she does.